As difficult as it is, in my weakest moments of life I am able to say I am struck down, but not destroyed, because of the Holy Spirit and the love of Christ.
This is the story of our first pregnancy... Brandon and I had always planned to get pregnant in December 2011, since he would graduate in May 2012 and we would have the baby in September 2012…perfect timing right?! For those of you who remember “don’t come knockin on Christmas day 2011, cause I’ll be makin a baby” I would always joke…hehe!! Well, we found out in Spring 2011 that Brandon would be graduating in December 2011…yaaaay!! Then, June came fast, the summer was starting and Brandon and I thought to ourselves…why are we waiting until December to get pregnant?! After we both came to the realization that the old plan was being altered via graduation we decided that we could totally start trying to get pregnant pronto…it was perfect timing! June was our first month trying to get pregnant. So…you know how it goes. When your getting close to the expected day of your period and your hoping with everything that it doesn’t come. Well, the time came and no period so we took a pregnancy test and…it was negative…what the stink right?! We were sooooo confused…we even went to the Doc to get the blood test to be sure! Then 4-5 days later my “peer peer” came!! We came to the conclusion that we were late because of the new super intense workout program and new healthy eating habits we had started in June! Then, July passed by and I didn’t get pregnant. Next, it was August and my period was expected on the 8th of September…but it was only Monday, the 5th…Labor day if you remember. Brandon and I were just hanging out on this lovely holiday in our pajamas in the middle of the afternoon :) We decided we should take a pregnancy test...who knows why?! Maybe it was because all month I had this weird tightening feeling in my lower tum area! But, actually I hadn’t even been thinking about it that day, I just all of the sudden wanted to take a test…so we did! It seems like we waited one million minutes to see the word…………………… PREGNANT!!!!!!! Oh my! We were so so so excited!! We were PREGNANT!! WAHOOOOOIEE!!! So, we decided to celebrate, if that’s not a reason to take off the p.j’s and put on a cute dress & a nice polo for him of course…I don’t know what is ;) we went to enjoy a yummy dinner at Cotton Patch Café and went to the book store to buy On Becoming Baby Wise…as referred by one of my favorite friends Bonnie…thanks girlie! Also, we found a book about being healthy while pregnant called Feed the Belly. What a great memory!
We went to the Doc On Tuesday the 6th and got the blood test to confirm the pregnancy. On Wednesday the 7th we got the call confirming we were 4 weeks pregnant! The nurse was so excited to tell me…oh my, what joy! Beebee was in my tum…yay!! I can’t even describe the excitement in our home! Brandon and I had all sorts of fun talking about Beebee…especially me talking about what Beebee likes & doesn’t like, which we all know was what I like & don’t like! Haha!! Brandon just went along with it ;)
Then, Sunday the 11th came, which was the 1st Cowboys football game of the season. So, we invited a few friends over to enjoy the game with us! That night after everyone left, we turned off the lights, the computer and I went to the restroom as I usually do right before bed. Except this time I saw something VERY unexpectant…it was blood…not a whole lot, but it was blood. I’m sure Bran was shocked to hear the noise I made & the look on my face at that moment! We decided to turn back on the computer and search the internet to see how common blood during pregnancy was. It turns out its fairly common, but Bran still held me tight as he does every night to help me go to sleep & I cried myself to sleep:( Morning came and there was still blood. Monday was my first day of breakfast duty which is less frequent, earlier, & in addition to my every day morning duty at school. There was another teacher in there training me…thank Heaven! All I could think about was ”Is Beebee ok?! I COULD NOT hold myself together! So, I told her I was feeling sick to my stomach with tears filling my eyes & I headed for the bathroom. I truly was feeling sick, mostly out of pure nervousness! In the restroom, I called Bran and he prayed with me! The Holy Spirit inside of me is the reason I was able to leave the restroom & go to my normal morning duty without having a total melt down.
I waited for the announcements to end & I decided to go talk to my principal about what was going on. As of this time the only people who knew about the pregnancy were Brandon, me, my Doc, and the nurse. In fact, we wanted the pregnancy to be a big surprise, so we hadn’t even told ANYBODY we were TRYING yet, not even our parents! So, I waited for Mrs. Delgado with tears filling my eyes again! Principals are always super busy, but Mrs. Delgado is never too busy for me! I did not like that the 1st person I was telling about Beebee was not my Mommy or Marilynd, but I had to tell her why I might not be able to do my job as well that day! So…I told her. Who knows how much she actually understood through my shaky voice and mountain of tears. And you’ll never guess what she told me…she said when she was pregnant with her son she started to bleed and had to go to the emergency room. She said the blood was going all the way down her legs & the Doc’s were saying they didn’t think the baby was going to make it. Then, she said her faithful aunt prayed with her and now her son is 21 years old! What a blessing to hear how awesome God is! His miracles are so marvelous! Next, she could tell I was in no shape to teach my kiddos anytime soon so she gave me a key to an unused portable, gave me a box of Kleenex’s & told me to go have some time to myself. What a leader! On the way to the portable I was praying to God for his will to be done, but begging if there was any way for Beebee to live for that to be the case. When I got there I called Brandon & told him what was happening. Next, I called the Doc’s office they made an appointment for that afternoon. After that, I talked to God about everything and spent time with Him in the quiet room. I was able to go to a class that day since I had that time to pull myself together through my time with God. After that class it was my lunch and I had taken a half day since my qppt. was that afternoon. I got to go home & have lunch with Bran Bran. While at the Doc’s office we continued to read On Becoming Baby Wise as we waited shortly. While we were seeing the Doc she said it is common for women to bleed when the're pregnant. She did an exam and said my Cervix was high which was good and it was closed...which was good, but then she mentioned that the blood was redder than she'd hoped. So we tried to do a sonogram but like she thought it was too early to see the baby, so we did a blood test. Then in two days I would come back and do another to check my levels again. The blood test’s check your HCG level which is supposed to double every day when your pregnant! When we found out we were pregnant and went in for a blood test my HCG was 45. Tuesday was a semi-normal day since we couldn’t go to the Doc again until Wednesday. We went to the University of Texas Arlington for the International Bible study that night as usual. On the way home Brandon said, “Miryam, don’t you think we should tell somebody about our situation so we can have them praying with us and giving us advice?” The idea of not telling anyone our surprise was beginning to make us feel kind of lonely. So we called our dear friends Bonnie & Matthew. They encouraged us, prayed with us, gave us advice & continued to pray for us! On Wednesday, I went in to check my levels again and the nurse said I didn’t have to check them…I thought yay & said “so the baby is ok!” She showed me my levels and said I went from a 45 to a 3. Then, I understood what she was saying. She was saying I had a miscarriage! :’( The car ride home was highly unpleasant. Brandon and I had NO CLUE we would be finding out that day! We thought we had a few more test to do hence the reason Brandon didn’t miss class to come with me! One part of the grieving process is denial. I was so sure that the Doc’s test was wrong and Beebee was still ok. But, by the end of the day I came to my senses Beebee was not ok! That night, somehow we got up the courage to call our mommy’s and tell them the news. It made me sad to be calling to tell them we are pregnant & we lost the baby in the same call. They kindly called everyone else to inform them of what happened for us. Good thing because my head hurt worst than ever ever ever from all the tears that day!!
We decided to name Beebee, Aaron Allison. I love the hope that David gives us about our Aaron being in Heaven when he says, “I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me” 2 Samuel 12:23.
That day we had the most discouraging experience of our lives. We can honestly say we were struck down, but not destroyed because the hope that Jesus Christ gives. We know because of Job that “the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21. Many things are taken from us in this life, but thank God that he sent Jesus Christ to die on the Cross for our sins, so that “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” Romans 10:13
